I NEED TO RESPECT HIM!

*For those who are on FLYLADY Forum*

I'm having problems getting back on. I had to cancel an old account due to problems I was getting with Emails there. So which meant because I couldn't remember my password. I had to start a new account. So for some reason I'm signed on but it won't let me write a post on it.

Ok I'm re-reading 'The Surrendered Housewife' By Laura Doyles. I'm going to take it seriously and see if my attitude has changed and our relationship. In all honesty I can see us going to divorce soon.

Right now I'm the one need to learn to *respect* him more and by doing that I'm *respecting* myself. So right now I'm going to not nag, critize him. For example: If he doesn't want to go to hospital I won't force him. I let him make his desicion when comes to his health. Even though I'm his Carer, which is going to be a challenge there. We have to look in domestic discipline when I do wrong.

Does anyone have information for domestic discipiline?

Well today I done 5 loads of washing today and they out on the line drying. Its a nice autumn day for it to dry out in the line. Hubby isn't doing well. He still not well. His pain level gone down abit. I said to him if it goes bad again, we should go to hospital. Two night ago he complained it being around 8 out of 10. But last night and today so far it been stuck on 5. Right now he sleeping. I'm thinking about joining him since I'm tired to.

Bailey our cat starting to get re-used to staying indoors again. He cries out every now and then. We thought he be worse than what he is. He a pretty good boy. Buba our dog got a sore foot from licking all the time. I feel sorry for her but I told her that what you get and when she outside she limps around.

I been thinking more lately about my mood lately. Like last night I was being a real bitch to hubby for no reason. I have days when I'm a total bitch. Somedays I think we better off not together but others we desperately need each other and I need him. I want my marriage to work and don't know how. We don't even have a sex life due to him being sick.

If you have any tips to share feel free to share them with me.

Well I'm off to have a lay down for now. I'm tired or I might read my book (The Surrendering Wife one).

And I thought I could do it without support!

Argh, ok I thought I could do everything on my own. Right? Wrong. The kitchen now back to being a pig sty. I'm not even dressed and its nearly 4pm here on Saturday afternoon. I must admit I failed big time. Maybe I do seriously need FLYLADY and the girls off the flylady forum I was a member on. One of the members was right. I don't have to FLY to get support. But I was stubborn and stupid. When will I ever learn.

Last night we had another bad night. DH was playing his Xbox game and next minute we know he start saying his pains are getting that bad. So I went to a phone box and rang the After Hours Doctors to get someone to come out. I said to him just lay in bed (which is in the lounge room) and try to rest till he comes. Hubby was getting annoyed with waiting and kept saying he can't be bothered with waiting for the dr anymore. I just kept telling him to be patient. Well he ended up and I did to fall asleep. I said to him this afternoon when he wakes up if he still in pain, we going to hospital no ifs and buts.

Well sitting on the computer won't get things done. So I'm going like a good girl re-sign up with Flylady. And off to shine my sink!

DH and I thinking of doing Lite and Easy. Because since he my carer. It might be easier for him not to have to worry about our dinner. Even though its $124 for hubby and I. All we might look at Meals and Wheels. Which I need to look up so we can phone them and see if we can get them. We need to find things that be easier for him. Right now we have to make a list of number's we need to call. We rang Silverchain and they made out they don't do my area. Which to me I think is a load of bull shit.

(This is Bailey posing outside ^^)

Update:

I know some you ladies are really annoyed that I left Flylady. But I need to have a break. Like I said I post as much I can on my blog on whats going on. My depression right now is rocky. Anyone ringing me don't stress. We unplugged my phone. I told Matt I don't want to talk to anyone. I'm sorry. Please just bear with me. I'm so grateful for all your support. I decided fuck (sorry langue again) God. I think back in the last few years of my life and can't think of anything good he did for hubby and I. IF he is real then why would he take away my son, my girls from me when hubby and I did nothing wrong. Gave my youngest daughter CP and oldest daughter developmental delays. Me intellectual disabilities and so on. See that the reason why I had to leave. I'm not doing so good.

Always remember I love you ladies. I got a lot to sort out. Please forgive my negativity right now.

Not doing well

For the last few days I haven't been doing so well with my depression. I been ignoring my health lately. My atheritis in both ankles are been playing up really badly.

Matt gone back to my Carer. Right now I'm not in the right frame of looking after myself. I feel really depressed and tired all the time. There days I don't give a fuck anymore (sorry langue). Today while I was waiting for a bus stop I want to walk in front of a car. That when I realise I need Matt to still to look after me.

So once I finish typing this I'm going back to bed. Also I signed up to Kate Morgan today and already stuffed up the diet by eating shit food. At least I can officially do it properly.

New blog- no submission!

Ok I deleted all my blogs about submission because it ain't working for our situation right now. I also read in alot of other people's blogs about DD (domestic discipiline) I told my husband about that and he diffently against smacking me and putting me in time out for not behaving. Hence both of us were abused as a child.

Right now I'm my husband's Carer which means I need to be the one having the final say. Mind you my husband rather that because I got more common sense. Hey he admitted that. Like he letting me choose when I think it right to start seeing my youngest daughter. We haven't seen her for awhile now because I been in and out of psych hospitals. Also I just started writing to my oldest daughter 4 weeks ago. So that a huge improvement for me. So I thought I tell everyone who reads this.

I won't be submitting since it doesn't work for us and good luck for those who do it! But I will try to be a good Christian wife though.